Photo by Felicia Buitenwerf on Unsplash
I am sitting here listening to a mantra. A mantra is like a repetitive chant, and this one is set to music. It's sort of chill while also a little upbeat, if that makes sense. The words are simple - “I am” – again and again. And as I listen and think I have decided to be instinctive and fill in the missing bit.
So who am I?
Well there is who I am right now and then there is who I want to be. I think of those two stages as being very different, particularly while I’m not feeling particularly good at the moment. Maybe that’s why I am putting pen to paper.
So being honest and being real about how I am right now . . . Well I’m not at the depths of despair. In fact my life might seem pretty good. I’m travelling for a few months with my wife. I have left a good job behind and stand a reasonable chance of being employed there again on my return. I am in the opposite hemisphere to my home, which means two summers in a row. We have experienced sights, sounds and experiences – many of them magical. But at my core I’m not so good.
What I feel is unfulfilled and trapped. I am a dreamer – always thinking of stuff like designing a home, writing something amazing, being a coach, an environmentalist, a motivator. And then there is my everyday life which for some reason always seems to present blockages. Practical things, stuff people say, my own self-doubts, fear and negativity. I feel like life, my life with all its potential gloriousness, is passing me by.
I feel a bit like that doctor who is painstaking when assessing their patient’s needs but lax on their own health. The builder who lives in a forever unfinished house, the plumber whose toilet doesn’t work . . . If I want to be a person who can help people then the first person I need to help is myself.
Starting today . . .
So who am I?
Well there is who I am right now and then there is who I want to be. I think of those two stages as being very different, particularly while I’m not feeling particularly good at the moment. Maybe that’s why I am putting pen to paper.
So being honest and being real about how I am right now . . . Well I’m not at the depths of despair. In fact my life might seem pretty good. I’m travelling for a few months with my wife. I have left a good job behind and stand a reasonable chance of being employed there again on my return. I am in the opposite hemisphere to my home, which means two summers in a row. We have experienced sights, sounds and experiences – many of them magical. But at my core I’m not so good.
What I feel is unfulfilled and trapped. I am a dreamer – always thinking of stuff like designing a home, writing something amazing, being a coach, an environmentalist, a motivator. And then there is my everyday life which for some reason always seems to present blockages. Practical things, stuff people say, my own self-doubts, fear and negativity. I feel like life, my life with all its potential gloriousness, is passing me by.
I feel a bit like that doctor who is painstaking when assessing their patient’s needs but lax on their own health. The builder who lives in a forever unfinished house, the plumber whose toilet doesn’t work . . . If I want to be a person who can help people then the first person I need to help is myself.
Starting today . . .
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