All my life I have worked. A “grafter” – that’s me. Focused, dependable, pretty well liked at work’ enjoying my job and the intellectual stimulation it provided. I liked the people I worked with and the sense of getting stuff done. And I had worked my way up to a senior position in our organisation – second tier and just maybe the next stop a chief executive.

So one day my wife said – how about we take off overseas for a year and have some fun . . .

​And I realized that actually – no I wasn’t really happy. In fact not happy at all. My life may have seemed pretty much OK to my friends and family. But not really to me. Not really . . .

And so after quite a while I did a brave thing. Very brave for me, and a little bit scary. I said Yes to my wife. Lets do it. And so I quit my job, put my life on hold and took a plunge. And now we are in the first week of our big adventurous year of travelling around the globe.

And finding happiness – maybe . . .

I promised myself to write regularly..... well that word regularly is about right. Every 3 or 4 months? In that sense I am doing well.... What is keeping me from writing more often then? Like once a week? Am I judging myself? I can't do it , no good at writing?

So tomorrow I am teaching my yoga class and just sent out an e-mail saying "it takes a conscious effort to notice what is going on in our mind and body without judgment or wishing it was any different." Mindfulness is a big word now a days and in this rushed society we sometimes ignore to notice our body and/or are not aware of our thoughts. We just keep going and are reacting in situations we later regret and think how could I have handled that one better?

In a nutshell yoga gives us the timeout for ourselves to reflect and become aware of our habitual patterns, either physical or thought patterns. We have learned by accumulating these thoughts and believe in them or by avoiding certain situations to survive and feel at ease the best we can. I was told as a teenager that I can't write, am bad at it so started to avoid writing altogether. I have never questioned that belief until now and feel quite uncomfortable as I am writing this down. But I know that breaking through those belief systems there might be something better for me out there... and anyway what is the worst that is going to happen if someone judges? Or judge myself?

I invite you to start observing your habitual patterns during your yoga practice and wonder why you resist a pose.... what is it you are uncomfortable with in daily life?
​
If you would like to read more about this topic, there is good article on yoga international website, powers of observation.
https://yogainternational.com/artic…/…/powers-of-observation

The American author H Jackson Brown Jr once said “Don’t waste time waiting for inspiration. Begin, and inspiration will find you.”

Well that’s all very well. But if you are anything like me, the actual beginning part is actually really hard. Even when I sat down to write this blog . . . hmmmm maybe I will make myself a coffee before I start . . . now I’m making my coffee I should quickly clean the kitchen bench down . . .just noticed I’m almost out of cleaning spray so better add it to the shopping list, that wont take long . . .

And that’s indicative of a lot of things I do. Sure, all those things that distracted me are worthy of some sort of action. But they are all pebbles that should fit around the big rocks in my life – not the other way round. So I decided to research the subject of writer’s block. Is this common and what are the ways that people have found to overcome this phenomenon?

Wikipedia defines writers block as a condition, primarily associated with writing, in which an author loses the ability to produce new work or experiences a creative slowdown. The condition ranges in difficulty from coming up with original ideas to being unable to produce a work for years. 

As far as I could find out, writers block isn’t a medical diagnosis in itself. But some may exhibit writers’ block type symptoms as part of mental illness - such as anxiety of depression for instance.  And yes its common. Wikipedia lists authors F. Scott Fitzgerald and Joseph Mitchell, pop culture cartoonist Charles M. Schulz and British songwriter Adele as just some who have ben known to suffer from this affliction. 

1. Get an hourglass

I read that Dan Brown keeps an hourglass on his desk - every hour he takes mini-breaks to do some exercise. Others make a plan at the beginning of the day with times for writing and times for doing other stuff. One tip that apparently works . . . don’t make writing the first thing on your plan; instead do the thing that is nagging most in your brain first (like paying a bill that’s overdue).

2. Write gobbledegook

The Artists Way is a book, and course, all about bring creativity back into the lives of artists (or anyone for that matter). One of the core exercises for three months is to write 3 pages every morning. And as soon as you put pen to paper you must write. Write about anything. Write that “I don’t know what to write” seven times. Its amazing how the power of just writing, about anything, lubricates your inspiration and creativity . . .

3. Dress for the occasion

Roald Dahl climbed into his sleeping bag to begin writing. It was the “uniform” he associated with his craft. Into the sleeping bag – its writing time . . .

Another approach, try dressing up. Like it’s a job where you are meeting and working with people. Would you go to a job like that in your sweat pants and hoodie? Put on some decent clothes, brush your hair, check yourself out in the mirror. Writing is something you are serious about, so dress up for the start of your writing time.

4. Cut the internet connections

Disable your internet connection. Its just too distracting and way too tempting. That funny cats youtube video . . . really ? 

And another thing about electronics. Electromagnetic fields (EMFs) have been found to disrupt the natural energy flows in your body – affecting the nervous system and increasing stress. Insomnia, anxiety and depression have all ben linked to exposure to EMFs. Feng Shui thinking says leave electronics out of the bedroom. Now that isn't always easy with writing in this electronic age – just something to be aware of . . .

5. Quit

No not quit permanently. Quit the situation or the place for a while. Find a new and energising place to be creative. Go for a walk to clear the brain. Meditate or practice some yoga. The idea is to come back refreshed and renewed.

You have two choices to achieve your big audacious dreams. Plan, or not plan. Not planning means being mindful and aware of your goals. Acting and being in accordance with the important things you wrote in your mission statement. And that may work really well for some people - but if you are anything like me, you will stand the best chance of achieving your dreams if you plan for them. 

Getting Started - How long's your timeframe?

Good planning involves thinking about both the longer term and the shorter term. But in my experience really long term planning rarely works. Have you ever seen a five year plan last five years? Things change and you therefore need to be flexible and adaptable in your planning . . .

I was talking a number of years ago to an international advertising agency about planning. Their use of of a "rolling" 9 month system really resonated with me. It works on the simple basis that you plan for the next 9 months - and then every three months your "refresh" and publish a new/amended 9 month plan. Believe it or not, a lot can happen in three months - particularly when you are embarking on a personal change programme. This system therefore allows you to constantly have a plan that is real, relevant and timely. 

Getting your plan out of your head . . .

OK so once you have agreed your planning timeline, document your longer term goals (whether it be 9 months, a year or something else) based on your mission statement. So for instance if you have decided in your mission statement that you will be financially self-sufficient, then you may set yourself a goal that . . . by March next year I will have started my first business. You then need to think about what actions you need to take to reach this goal - what, when and how. So for example you might decide to carry out some research in August by talking to similar businesses, attend a marketing course in September, write a business plan in October, hook up with a business mentor in November etc etc.

The point is - you are tying together: a) your mission statement, b) your longer term goals and c) your shorter term actions. In other words - planning!

​I have been observing what it means to be happy for many years now. And one thing I have noticed of late is the veritable plethora of articles and blogs claiming the road to happiness, contentment, success (or whatever your goal may be) can be achieved through the application of “X” things or “Y” steps. X or Y equalling anything from three to one hundred.

​Incidentally for some reason a lot use the number seven which may come from its association as a lucky number in some cultures.

Actually there is one reason why we might be seeing so much more of this. Because apparently, according to a number of blogs about how to write good blogs (believe me there are a lot of these . . .) people more often click on titles that have a number in it.

Yes my title is provocative. “Ignore” probably isn’t the right word – what I am actually suggesting is you should ignore the “how” until you have understood the “what”. Another way of saying this is that to know where you are going in life you first need to know where you are right now.

​Think of a time when something great happened to you. You won a prize, gave a speech for the first time in front of a room full of people, entered and competed in a running event. These are just examples – think of a time in your life when you underwent change for the positive.

My example was running a half marathon. I was reasonably unfit, had a sedentary job behind a computer and had never run more than about 5km in my life. So after talking to some friends (ok some beer was involved) I decided to enter myself into an upcoming race. It was in 8 weeks and involved running 21km. Gulp! I set myself a training schedule, roped a friend in to do it with me and lo and behold in 8 weeks time I crossed the finish line. Not a particularly stupendous time – definitely in the last 20% of the field.

 But what an amazing feeling . . . In eight weeks time I had gone from being a pretty unfit person to being capable of running 21km without stopping (shuffling still counts as running in my book). And that was the ultimate buzz. The change I had undergone was dramatic. I remembered how I was and how unfit I felt. And most of all I remembered back 8 weeks ago to this person who had never contemplated doing a race like this and probably hadn’t imagined they were capable.

 So it wasn’t really the run that made me feel so amazing. It was the difference in how I felt and the change I had undergone. And I could remember that because, hey, 8 weeks wasn’t that long ago. How I had been feeling and living my life back then became my yardstick – a way of gauging how far I had progressed and what changes I had made in my life.

And this is my challenge to you. Take time right now to stocktake your life and how you are living it.  Your yardstick for the future new you . . .

Here’s something that helped me do my own stocktake . . . The “me” board is like a vision board in reverse. Its meant to characterise your life and how you feel – right now.

1. Get hold of a big piece of card. A2 size is 42cm by 60 cm - or go bigger if you can.
2. Now get a pile of magazines and newspapers. It doesn't matter so much what they are, just make sure you have a good sample of different types.
3. The aim of this exercise is to build a poster which points to how you are feeling right now. It will suit those of you who are creative - or who just can't get their head around stats and questionnaires.
4. You need to cut out and paste pictures, words, headlines or art that talks to your present state of mind. Be intuitive - if something you see feels right about how you are - don't think, get cutting.

Remember this isn't about who you want to be (that comes later). This is about who you are NOW.

​I first heard about Feng Shui from my wife. We bought a book on the subject, quite expensive at the time when we had little money, and from that time I have built an active appreciation of the benefits of this art. The best way I can describe my experience is when one day, shortly after our book purchase, I walked into a room arranged on Feng Shui principles. I will never forget the almost instant feeling of calmness that came over me combined with a desire to simply stay put in this beautiful room for a while – to draw energy and refresh my mind.

So what are the benefits of Feng Shui?

Well a good nights sleep is one (more on that later in this blog). Harmonising energy flows is another, and that makes us feel alive and open to possibilities. Creating calmness – removing clutter in your house helps remove clutter in your mind. 

In business there have been numerous studies linking a new Feng Shui environment to increased turnover and profitability. An interior design company that doubled turnover, a hairdresser whose profits substantially rose after six months and a toy retailer nominated for toy shop of the year. 

​Here are four simple Feng Shui changes that you can make to help you feel calmer, happier and open to the positivity in the world around us:

FOUR:   Lighten things up
Especially areas such as your main entry hall – very important in Fen Shui as it is through the front door that your house gets its Chi ( a Chinese word meaning aliveness, life force, energy or life breath – also known as Prana). It is for this reason, by the way, that you shouldn’t have a mirror facing your front door as it pushes all that good energy right back out the front door. Mirrors not facing the door are good though as is plenty of natural light – or failing that lamps or overhead spotlights. And also remember to de-clutter to create clean inviting lines.​

​If I said all it took was ten minutes a day to de-stress and relax you would probably think this was yet another “get well quick” scheme requiring minimal effort and instant results. And I would have agreed with you . . . a few years ago.

I have a busy life. I am the breadwinner for the family. I work hard and I tend to fill my days with things to do. I hadn’t considered myself stressed, but then again I wasn’t an impartial observer watching me hurry from one thing to the other. So when my wife suggested we go to a meditation course together, to be honest the idea didn’t really light my candle.

The Medical Dictionary defines meditation as a practice of concentrated focus upon a sound, object, visualization, the breath, movement, or attention itself in order to increase awareness of the present moment, reduce stress, promote relaxation, and enhance personal and spiritual growth.

Meditation practice isn’t new. Its hard to know when it first started, but its more than hundreds of years ago. I think a lot of us associate meditation with robe-clad monks sitting on a hilltop chanting. So I was pleasantly surprised to find two completely normal looking guys greet us at our first meditation class.

​Meditation is really about being present and clearing your thoughts. Some say its thinking about nothing. And that is not easy. 

1. The idea is to completely relax in a seated position that suits you. You don’t have to sit cross-legged on the floor – on a chair is fine. 
   
2. In our class we then were encouraged to imagine a river in a peaceful setting and when thoughts came into our mind to “throw” them into the river and let them wash away. Or to imagine a sky with clouds, each cloud being a thought which we could add to – and that the clouds would disperse leaving an expanse of blue . . .
   
3. Next comes awareness of your breathing. In and out of the nose. Try it now – close your eyes for a few moments and just notice your breath. In an out – say for 10 times. It’s a clever way of focusing your thoughts on the present and taking them away from things in the past or jobs you have to do.
   
4. Our instructors then encouraged us to focus on our heart and imagine a light – and that light becoming brighter when we breathed in and darker when we breathed out.
   
5. And once you have the picture of the light in your chest, the idea then is to imagine that light spreading to the rest of your body, and then to the room you are in (you can go on and on until it becomes a whole universe light thing but I found that too hard to imagine). 
   
6. Then its reversing the process – bringing the light in from the room, to our body and then your heart. Starting to become aware again of the room you are in (its amazing how you can “forget” where you are during meditation) and finally opening your eyes and emerging back into the crazy, rough and tumble world we live in.

​According to the Art of Living website the benefits of meditation are:

According to Wikipedia, Serotonin is a monoamine neurotransmitter. Biochemically derived from tryptophan, serotonin is primarily found in the gastrointestinal tract, blood platelets, and the central nervous system of animals, including humans.

Medical News Today is a bit more helpful and tells us that serotonin carries signals along and between nerves (that’s the “neurotransmitter” bit). It is responsible for maintaining mood balance, and that a deficit of serotonin leads to depression.

Antidepressants are one way of increasing the levels of serotonin in the brain. But there are other natural ways to either replace the use of antidepressants, or to help them work more effectively.

If there is one thing that the northern Scandinavian countries lack in winter, it is sunlight. Science Nordic has a great article about lack of sunlight and how to counteract the “winter blues”. Its reasonably well known that the body struggles to produce vitamin D without exposure to the sun. But the sun also activates light-sensitive nerve cells, which stimulates the production of serotonin. The answer is pretty simple – get more light in your life, particularly in the morning. Make the place where you have breakfast well lit – light on the walls and on the table, rather than soft lighting and candles . . .

There is also some evidence that exercise can boost serotonin levels. Check out the Livestrong website for a good article on exercise and its effect on serotonin.

But diet is the area I am personally attracted to at the moment. Healthline.com has a good article on foods that could boost your serotonin levels. But there is a catch . . . The article says its not Serotonin that is found in food, but tryptophan – and its not as simple as eating a high trypothan diet. Apparently the trypothan in your food has to compete with other amino acids to be absorbed into your brain. 

Today I listened to an inspirational TED talk. 

Melati and Isabel Wijsen go to the Green School in Bali. I visited the adjoining Green Village only a couple of weeks ago and so I pricked up my ears. Anyway, one day these girls learned about significant people at school. People like Mother Theresa and Mahatma Gandhi. And on the way home the girls discussed why they couldn’t be significant right now. Why should they wait until they grew up?

​These girls were only 10 and 12 when they started. They said they had no business plan but one hell of a vision. They decided to harness the “boundless energy” of themselves and their friends and “act” the change they wanted to happen. How inspirational and brave is that!

Their campaign “Bye Bye Plastic Bags” is now recognised internationally as one of the most successful conservation movements around. And they now have a commitment from the Government that Bali will be plastic bag free by 2018.

I loved the way these girls talked and presented themselves on the TED video. You could see how much they were loving what they were doing and how proud they were of themselves and each other. I am truly inspired – plastic bags are now being phased out of our lives. And I think I have learned a lot about having the courage to simply do what is the right thing.

Apparently bananas contain a healthy amount of antioxidants as well as “Tumor Necrosis Factor” which is a cancer fighter. The more ripe the banana the higher the anti cancer properties. For people with depression, bananas also contain high levels of trypothan which then converts into seretonin – hence alleviating the symptoms of depression.

But that’s not all. Eating bananas:

•    Gives you more energy;
•    Helps with weight loss;
•    Are great for the brain;
•    Help to balance your homones;
•    Alleviate heartburn;
•    Lower blood pressure and keep your blood healthy;
•    Are great for your bones;
•    Treat stomach ulcers;
•    Can cure hangovers;
•    Alleviate constipation; and
•    Enhance memory

Another great article – “12 Foods Happy People Eat”. Bananas get a mention  of course – but also blueberies, acai berries, greens, nuts and seeds etc.

Also check out Mind.org.uk website where they explore the relationship between what you eat and how you feel. 

I agree – I know what foods make me feel bloated and tired (junk and highly processed food) and I know what food makes me feel lighter and more energised (yes bananas of course, but also things like sushi, fish and salads).  If I am not sure about something I close my eyes and imagine how I will feel 20 minutes after eating something – your body will always give you the right answer!

I loved the film “Yes Man” starring Jim Carrey (playing the role of banker Carl Allen) who starts the film as an intensely lonely man with low self-esteem after his divorce with Stephanie, who he is still in love with. He avoids his friends, has a seemingly boring job and spends his spare time watching DVDs.

But this all changes when he meets a former classmate who talks him into participating in a self-help program led by the guru Terrence Bundley. The course is entitled (of course) “Yes Man”, the basic principle being to say "yes" to new situations.

The film is intentionally comedic, in that Carl ends up saying yes to absolutely everything, which results in him being placed in some situations which would scare the hell out of me. But the end result shows Carl with a completely changed attitude and living a great new life. And yes he gets a nice girl (this is Hollywood after all).

So I thought that this was something I would give a go. No I didn’t set out to say yes to absolutely every situation, but I definitely ended up saying yes much more often. I learned a lot about myself during this process.

I learned that things will work themselves out. And this is important because saying yes comes with risks (as opposed to saying no which is often risk-free). Tina Fey said “Say yes and you will figure it out afterwards”. What a great quote. And its true. My example comes from a recent project at work when we talked as a team about the demands we were getting from others in the organisation. The obvious solution was to say no more often, because after all this would involve less work and less risk. However the conversation turned itself round to focus on how we could better manage the outcomes of saying yes. And immediately the mood picked up. We talked about ourselves as a team people liked to deal with. A team that got things done. And a team that would have the confidence to work out how to deliver that which we had said yes to. I will never forget the buzz that conversation generated . . .

I also learned another important lesson. And that is, its OK to say no sometimes. Hang on, I hear you say. Isn’t this going against the grain of the story? Well not really because the more I have been saying yes to opportunities, the more confident I have become in saying no to stuff that I know in my heart isn’t right for me. My no has a confident ring about it because I have become better at saying yes. Trust me, its hard to put into words but you will get it when you become more of a yes person.

I have definitely become a happier and more confident person saying yes more often. I have learned to have faith in my ability to work things out. And when I need to say no, it’s a whole lot better feeling . . .

 

There is certainly a lot going on and being talked about on the subject of mindfulness. I have to admit when I first heard the term it didn’t quite make sense. Like isn’t everyone “mindful” . . . on the basis we all have a mind? And so therefore isn't this just some new fad based on something entirely obvious and everyday?

Wikipedia, in their dry but admittedly learned way, defines mindfulness as the intentional, accepting and non-judgemental focus of one's attention on the emotions, thoughts and sensations occurring in the present moment.

And there you have it, in those last three Wikipedia generated words. “In the present moment”. That, to me, is what mindfulness is all about.

Here’s a question. What are you thinking about right now? Maybe something you have planned next, tomorrow, next week? Something someone said to you yesterday? A new item for the shopping list, or the lyrics of a song that is playing on the radio? Mindfulness says what you should actually be focusing in is the “right here, right now”. The words on the screen, their texture, their meaning, their flow and their effect on you . . . in other words, being in the present moment.

Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn developed Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center for patients suffering from pain. He came up with an incredibly simple but effective exercise, which anyone can try to experience mindfulness. If you have five minutes right now, all you need is a raisin and a quiet space to sit.

The idea is that you place a raisin in your hand. The thing most of us would do next is to pop into our mouths and move onto the next thing. But no, not this time. Your job is to observe it. Just look and see the texture, the bumps, the colour, and the glossiness. Bring it to your nose and smell it. How does it feel in your hand? Now place it into your mouth and swirl it around. Can you feel the texture with your tongue? Chew just once, and observe the very first taste. Take your time and eventually chew some more before swallowing. Keep sitting and think about how your body feels with the raisin now ingested.

Well done. You have now experienced mindfulness. And now imagine what your life would be like if you employed this behaviour more often? At work when listening to a colleague, try experiencing observing their face, their lips, and their body movements. At home, sitting on the couch without turning the television or radio on. Just observe for five minutes. Listen to the sound of the world around you, the feel of the couch, the smells in the air and the cadence of your own breath.

My personal favourite is my mindfulness walk. The idea is that you are totally silent (and so if you have a walking partner you both need to abide by the rules!). Instead of taking steps to get somewhere, feel each step as you place your feet on the ground (bare feet is great if the weather and terrain permit). Look at the environment you pass. Each branch, each tree leaf, the clouds, grass or asphalt . . . Feel your breathing and empty your thoughts of everything expect where you are and what you are doing right now.

Mindfulness has had a major effect on my life. I feel more grounded, calmer and more aware of the world around me. I increasingly have a sense of accomplishing more meaningful and worthwhile things in my life. My sense of mindfulness doesn’t slow me down (which if I am honest is what I feared); instead it creates focus and direction.

So wherever you are or whatever your situation in life, I am wondering if you can commit to an act of mindfulness. Each day for a week. And then observe how you feel.

I am betting you will never look at a raisin the same way again . . .

A few years ago, I completed a course about living and managing my life with purpose. To be honest I can't remember much about the course now except for one life-changing session. And that was the development of my very own mission statement.

I have to admit, the term "mission statement" sounds reasonably dull. Like isn't that what companies do, at the front of those glossy brochures which nobody reads? But bear with me . . . this gets pretty cool.

On the last afternoon of the course, we were let loose for two hours with a blank sheet of paper to write our own personal mission statements. For the first half hour (or maybe hour) I employed my usual bag of distraction tricks. I really did need to chew on that pen for a while. And what was that I needed to do when I got home that evening? However after giving myself a stern talking to, I put pen to paper, forgot about the world around me, and words started to flow.

And the result was absolutely amazing. I came home on a cloud that day because for the first time I had described me as the person I honestly wanted to be. I still carry that page around today. My life has moved on but the things I talked about are still relevant today. Things like being jumping out of bed each day full of ideas and enthusiasm, making work an extension of who I am (not the other way around),  being best mates with my wife and mentor to my girls. 

First step: Identify your core values

Roy Disney said "Its not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are" . . . Your values define you as a person. They guide (often subconsciously) your actions and reactions, beliefs, outlook on life. We are all different and we all have values, which are individually important to us at different times in our life. Some might value honesty, others sustainability, perseverance, risk taking. The list is endless.

The object of this exercise is to identify those values that are absolutely fundamental in your life. I chose six. I arrived at that number by brainstorming a "long list" of values and separating those out between those that were "sort of" important to me, strongly important and those that I simply could not imagine living without.

Your core values are enduring. They may excite and uplift you. They will probably feel natural and you may well have felt them as a child (and still do). Beware transitory things that seem like values but often aren't. If there is urgency attached or if you need it to get somewhere else, it may not be one of your core values.

Second step: Answer some blood pumping questions

This step is all about casting your mind free. You are in a place where nobody will judge you, where money isn't an issue and where everything is possible.  Answer some (or all) of the following questions . . .

1. If money or location were irrelevant, what would your ultimate dream job be?
2. You have just won a competition for an all expenses paid trip to anywhere in the world. One month. You get to choose. Where would you go?
3. If you could join the Board and direct efforts of one charitable organisation, which one would you choose?
4. Who do you most admire? 
5. What did you do in the last year that you were incredibly proud of?
6. What would you do if you knew nobody would judge you?
7. You have won $10 million. What is the first thing you would do?
8. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
9. You get the chance to train as a teacher. What would you teach?
10. You have a month at a cottage in the mountains. No telephone, no internet, no neighbours, no shops. What would you do?
11. Your friends are asked to say what they like about you in a confidential survey - what do you think they would say
12. What made you smile today?

Third step: Identify your roles in life

You have roles in your life. We all do. We are brothers or sisters, work colleagues, keepers of the house, sons, daughters, workers, bosses, club members, coaches, counsellors, friends . . . Our roles form the basis of our relationships in life. And therefore they are a useful focus point for defining your vision about the future person you really want to be.

Think about (and write down) the roles you have in life. Try to start with those that mean most to you. And, most importantly, don't forget to include the role you have to look after yourself!

Fourth step: Completing your mission statement

There is no "correct" to develop your own mission statement. It should be personal to you and its up to you to write and present it in a way that will give you the absolute best possible chance of success.

My mission statement is based around my roles in life, which I then weave in the values that are important to me and some answers to those blood pumping questions.

So as an example, and taken word-for-word from that mission statement I wrote all those years ago: As a father I will give my daughters understanding and support, in order that they may grow up to become emotionally fulfilled young women. I will teach them that anything is possible in life. We will plan and do cool and original trips together every year. I will be their friend. Forever.

I could also have based my mission statement around my values. So for example: I will make it a priority always be honest in life. With those I love, with those I live with, with those I work with, with my boss and above all with my self . . .

Or I could have based it around answers to my blood pumping questions. So for example: Within the next five years I will start a business to bring some "good" into this world. I will stay true to my dreams of sustainability and the belief that everyone deserves to be happy in life. And that business will make me a better person, father and husband.

How many times have you sat at work, or at home, and dreamed of your next holiday? Maybe you have planned to go somewhere local, the beach or the mountains, or maybe a resort overseas . . . Your holiday involves meeting friends or family, a romantic liaison, or simply taking time off on your own . . .

I have dreamed like this. Many times. I used to work fifty hours a week for forty-eight weeks a year in a job which was . . . well sort of OK. But it was all right because, hey I was off on holiday soon. Thirty-eight days and counting in fact. And tomorrow morning it would be thirty-seven and a half. We hay!

Nah. That's not right. The quote at the top of this blog has it pretty well right and so its worth repeating. 

Instead of wondering when our next vacation is, we should set up a life we don't need to escape from: Seth Godin

Its so tempting to make excuses about the lives we lead. And taking holidays is the absolute ultimate in excuse making. And don't get me wrong. Holidays are a really great thing but not when they create a mask over the life you are really leading.

Someone once said to me: think of what you really love doing and make it your job. Yes it is aspirational and yes I know it may not seem immediately practical. But just stop for a minute, close you eyes and dream. Dream of a life without constraints . . . where you have unlimited choice . . . where money doesn't matter  . . . and where nobody will judge you. What would you do? And now open you eyes and write down what you just thought of.

I was inspired earlier this week via a facebook message from a friend. This friend also had a dream, about starting a company focusing on positivity. He gave up his day job, worked and worked and worked, hooked up with partners, started a website and cold called company after company. Well anyway, the message earlier this week was prompted by three firm orders, all on the same day. The hard work had paid off, and more importantly the courageous leap from a safe job to doing something this friend really loved had come to fruition.

So what did you dream, and what did you write down? Is it really so impractical . . .????

On day two of the course I had been sent on by work, we were let loose for two hours with a blank sheet of paper to write our own personal mission statements. And to help us we were given a list of questions – designed to inspire, excite and scare us a little. I haven’t got that original list, but here are some in that theme :

1. If money or location were irrelevant - what would your ultimate dream job be?
2. You have just won a competition for an all expenses paid trip to anywhere in the world - 1 month - you get to choose - where would you go?
3. If you could join the Board and direct efforts of one charitable organisation, which one would you choose?
4. Who do you most admire? 
5. What did you do in the last year that you were incredibly proud of?
6. What would you do if you knew nobody would judge you?
7. You have won $10 million. What is the first thing you would do?
8. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
9. You get the chance to train as a teacher - what would you teach?
10. You have a month at a cottage in the mountains - no telephone, no internet, no neighbours, no shops - what would you do?
11. Your friends are asked to say what they like about you in a confidential survey - what do you think they would say
12. What made you smile today?

There was the usual pen chewing and distractions to deal with of course, and then I attempted the first question . . . and then the second . . . and then there was no stopping me. And I realized a common theme was emerging – what I wanted my life to look like if I had the courage to get over my fears. 

And the result was amazing. I came home on a cloud that day because for the first time I had described me as the person I honestly wanted to be. I felt happy just thinking about it.

I still carry that page around today. I looked at it last week. My life has moved on but the things I talked about are still relevant today. I like to think I have taken some risks in life and done some stuff which has inspired me but still scares me. Like starting this website for instance.

Take some time today, or even right now. Answer some of the questions – instinctively and honestly. And start to dream. Because we only have one shot at this big, bold and beautiful time on earth we have been given.

Dare to live a life that scares you a little!

I have been interested for a while in a concept called appreciative inquiry. I came across it at work and the concept sounded simple, yet a little scary. Let me explain.

The simple part is that appreciative inquiry is all about positivity. Focusing on what your organisation is doing right and then building on these strengths. Sounds sensible and logical?

OK then, but here comes the slightly scary bit. With appreciative enquiry, the “problems” in your organisation are effectively ignored – the principle being that if you do more of the things you are good at, the problems will sort themselves out. Put another way, appreciative inquiry suggests that you can create change by paying attention to what you want rather than paying attention to problems.

People find this part a little scary because we are used to solving problems. We like to fix things. So the concept of not focusing on problems may put some of us out of our comfort zone.

A great example of appreciative inquiry comes in the context of staff culture surveys. You know - the kind that ask you how much you like your working environment, how much you rate your managers and colleagues, whether you understand your organisation’s mission, how well managers communicate with staff etc. In most places I have worked, teams generally then get set up to “solve” the top ranking “concerns” from survey results. They huddle, work out an approach, implement a set of actions and report back to staff. Commendable and well meaning.

But appreciative inquiry turns that thinking on its head and says  - instead of focusing on problems you should focus on thetop ranking survey outcomes. So for instance if staff like the monthly “all hands” meeting with the CEO, think about how you can do that even better. Or if the way the organisation communicates with its customers is admired, think about how you can improve that another notch. 

The research seems to point strongly to suggest those organisations with a positive culture focused on building on their strengths outperform those with a more traditional “fix the problems” approach. I’m not sure anyone needed to do that research – doesn’t that sound intuitively right? 

We can use the concept of appreciative inquiry in our personal lives. My example is my daughter’s school reports. If you are like me, you will know how tempting it is to head straight for the areas where they have been marked lower, or where the comments are less positive. Your eyes almost get hijacked. 

So I have made it a rule, every time, to first look at and talk about the areas where they have done well. I spend 80 to 90% of my time talking about these areas with them. 

And the interesting thing is that you actually achieve a whole lot more with this approach. Not only do they love you for putting there good marks first, but the conversation at the end on the more difficult stuff becomes so much easier. By talking first about what they had done well I was amazed at how forthcoming they became about what they hadn’t.

So out of the mouths of babes – to multi national corporations. The principle is the same. Focus on what you do well and do more of it. It will get you further in life, and its a whole lot more fun . . .

I recently came across a site called Oompher (www.oompher.com) - which of course comes from word “oomph” meaning energy, vitality or enthusiasm. 

With a title like that you therefore can’t help but take a look out of pure curiousity. The site is pretty cool – its mission seems to be about helping people follow their passions by way of a series of interviews with people who are leaders in their respective fields. Arts, business, media, entrepreneurship etc.

But perhaps the real story is the person behind Oompher – a 19 year old called Jake Millar from Greymouth. Jake’s father was tragically killed in a plane crash on the Fox Glacier (in New Zealand’s Southern Alps). Jake is quoted as saying  "My dad's death really brought home the fact that you can be living life to the full one minute, then gone the next – so there's no use wasting time on things you don't absolutely love."

 Wow that’s pretty inspiring. We often hear of people in life who do amazing things following something traumatic such as a near death experience – and voice similar reasons for achieving what they do.

The site has been in the news recently as Jake has sold the business to Careers New Zealand, part of the New Zealand Government. I say this is a smart move from the Government as this market is a traditionally tough nut to crack. A site produced for young people by one of their peers must have a greater than even chance of success. 

Young people coming out of school often lack someone, with whom they can relate, to provide advice and guidance on what to do next. The figures for first year drop-outs from university or technical college are still high. And how many of us can trace our lives and careers back to decisions we made when we left school? Its an important time for young people – and worthy of serious and considered investment by Governments everywhere.

For someone so young, what Jake has achieved is extraordinary. Not many nineteen year olds would have the courage and vision to cold call a business leader and successfully talk them into making a video. And so the quality and quantity of excellent videos on the site is a testament to this young man. 

I suspect his father would have been pretty proud . . . 

Firstly, I needed to clearly define what “Best Dad” means to me and my family.  One size does definitely not fit all – even within our family – but I had some clear ideals that I felt made good sense.  Some of it was stuff I was already doing but could do more of or do better and some of it was stuff that I used to do and probably should do again.  So here’s a few of the basics that are back on my “Best Dad” list:

• Doing stuff that makes them happy.  I’m not talking about buying presents or stuffing them with sweets, I’m talking about little things like having a tickle fight with my youngest daughter or shooting hoops or reading stories.
• Just spending time – going on walks, practicing sport, lying on their bed after lights out while they talk about whatever’s on their mind.
• Listening - stopping what I am doing to hear whatever it is that they are bursting to tell me when they get home from school.  I mean really listening and engaging in their conversation about what is important to them.
• Praising them genuinely and being an honest (but gentle) critic when I can help them to improve.
• Considering little requests before responding.  A short ride on my shoulders is a small inconvenience for the amount of pleasure it can bring.
• Being Mr Reasonable when we don’t agree – by not raising my voice to win an argument with my volume or size, not reacting to faces and mimicking and never belittling them or being mean-spirited. 

 But this is not just an idea.  I made it real by sharing my goal with my family and I writing down what I am going to do differently.  This commitment means I can easily measure myself against my ideals and hold myself to account if I don’t measure up.  

It is so easy to let aspects of our lives get into cruise mode – work, sport, money, relationships – but it is only when we step back and take an honest and critical look at where we are cruising to that we can decide whether we are on the right course - or not.  If not, it’s time to switch off the autopilot, clearly define where we want to be and make a real and achievable plan - how to get to the destination we choose.

For me it was the stopping, and taking stock of how a critically important aspect of my life was not living up to my expectations, that opened my eyes to how things could be better.  But it was also the realisation that if I wanted things to improve, it was up to me to make the change.