We all like to label ourselves. And we all definitely like to label others. It’s comforting, in the same way we might organise our pantry or medicine cabinet. We know for instance which friend to go to for advice, who to get a reality check from or where to simply get a hug.

We like to think of ourselves and others as being a “something” person. Kind, diligent, industrious – or maybe lazy, self-centred or impatient. These labels may have become attached to us as a result of an incident. Like when you went wild at a party – or spoke out against something wrong or simply got angry. And then they become imbedded - and just maybe we subconsciously model our lives on the label we have inherited . . .

And then confirmation bias sets in, where we live our lives and interact with others under a set of expectations. That allows us to make quicker decisions, avoid harm and generally live our lives more efficiently. But what if that label is simply misleading and possibly (and probably unintentionally) harming? And, more importantly, what can we do about it . . . ?

Maybe the first step to understanding others is to first understand ourselves with a fresh set of eyes. Carl Jung was an early 20th century psychotherapist and psychiatrist who created the field of analytical psychology. He said . . .

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate"

​And with that in mind, here are some useful (and free) sources to help you discover (or rediscover) your personality. They are all survey type models, and with any survey they only work if you are honest in how you answer. 

Neris Personality Test
Take the “Neris” free personality test at https://www.16personalities.com/. It’s based on a well-regarded model called Myer’s Briggs which in turn is based on the thinking of Carl Jung (quoted earlier in this article). The Neris test expands on the Myers Briggs thinking and incorporates what is known as the Big Five Personality Traits.

By taking this test you can find out if you are an architect (an imaginative and strategic thinker with a plan for everything), a mediator (kind, altruistic and always willing to help a good cause) or one 14 other personality types.

The Riso-Hudson Enneagram Type Indicator (RHETI)
An enneagram defines nine personality types (sometimes called "enneatypes"), which are represented by the points of a geometric figure which indicate connections between the types.

Basically you have to take the test to find out which one of the nine personality types you are. Are you a reformer (rational and idealistic), an artist (intuitive and reserved) or a peacemaker (easy going and accommodating)? Go to https://www.9types.com/rheti/index.php for a free sampler where you can complete 36 out of the 144 questions. For the full test go to https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/ where you will be charged a relatively small amount.

Feeling these two tests haven’t quite hit the mark? Then try the Oxford Happiness Questionnaire.  It was developed by Michael Argyle and Peter Hills of Oxford Brookes University, and originally published in 2002. If are interested in the scholarly paper go here where you will gain some understanding how the survey was developed. If however you are after a more user friendly version, the UK Guardian has produced one here that you can answer and immediately generate your score.

When taking any of these tests, you need to:

• Set aside some time when you won’t be distracted;
• Complete all the questions;
• Try to avoid neutral answers;
• Be honest – put down what you honestly feel to be true, not what you would like others to see you as; and
• Value being instinctive over being analytical when thinking about your answers – this will help you not to get stuck.

When you have your results, it might be interesting to ask yourself how you feel. Was there anything in the results that surprised you? Are you disappointed? Pleasantly surprised? And again – why . . . ? 

​And finally – if you have taken the test and self-reflected on what you have learned, congratulations. Understanding what makes us tick is vital to making positive change. It’s tempting I know to jump to the action side of things. But until you really understand how you are feeling now, designing and working towards a “future you” risks missing something fundamentally important.

Not so long ago my wife and I departed New Zealand’s capital city, Wellington, for Whakatane – a small town in the Eastern Bay of Plenty, home to around 35,000 people. I was being transferred temporarily for my job at the Department of Conservation. My new temporary role was to work with one of New Zealand’s largest iwis, Tūhoe, whose people had felt disconnected from their homeland for around 150 years  but who now had the opportunity to purse a responsibility-based re-connection on the back of a settlement agreement with the Crown.

I had always thought of New Zealand as friendly place. I have lived and worked overseas for a number of years in London, Amsterdam and Sydney. None of those places I would have characterised as un-friendly, however it’s not until you arrive back in New Zealand and receive a cheery greeting from a shop assistant at Auckland airport, that you realise what it’s like for someone to ask you how you are – and be genuinely interested in the answer.

And so, our impending extended trip to Whakatane posed no real concerns for me about not being welcomed into the community as after all, this was just another part of New Zealand, right!? As I sit now nearing the end of our six month stay, I have been reflecting on a number of things, including how genuinely nice it is to live and work in a small town. 

This morning I drove into the town centre from our rented place on Ohope Beach (I know – lucky . . . !) to do a few errands. First the bike shop where the lady remembered my wife’s name from her call the previous day and we had a general chat about how hot it has been lately and about the bike business in general. Then I drove to my favourite café for a coffee and eggs. Crossing the road to the cafe from where I parked the car involved negotiating almost every driver desperate to stop, let me cross and give me a thumbs up. A chat at the café with the owner and then a walk back to my car encountering a “good morning” from lady putting out table outside the Sri Lankan restaurant. My last stop was a quick visit to the supermarket, exchanging a “kia ora” with a heavily tattooed Maori gentlemen getting out of his car.

And that is pretty much a typical day in Whakatane. Different in a way from my home in Wellington where people are certainly not unfriendly, but don’t seem to show anywhere near the genuine bonhomie and hospitality that I have experienced in this little Bay of Plenty town.  

Now I know that some people reading this may point to statistics such as the Eastern Bay of Plenty’s growing P problem and consider this piece overly positive. I’m not sure I have a good answer to that, other than I can just comment on my own experiences – what I see, hear and feel in this awesome little place.

So, is it just Whakatane that is kind of cool, or is what I have experienced evidence of small towns being generally happier places than bigger cities? Well it’s the latter if you consider recent research done by sociologist Adam Okulicz-Kozaryn which suggests that city dwellers in the US are reportedly less happy with their lives. Interestingly though, the research indicates millennials seem to have the opposite point of view which I guess sounds logical if I remember my own preferences on city vs country when I was at my “millennial” age …!
​
All I can say is that I have loved my short visit to Whakatane. I feel more relaxed and at home in this friendly place. Now I have to think about exporting this feeling back to my city way of life . . .

-​I listened to a podcast today – on the subject of being right. Or, more correctly, on the subject of believing you are right. And there is a big difference between the two.

The podcast by the way was a Ted Talk by Julia Galef – “Why you think you’re right even if you’re wrong”. Listen to it if you can.

We are all plagued by this affliction – if we are really honest. Sport springs to mind as a good example. If my favourite team are wrongly penalised by the referee, I find myself instantly uptight – questioning the decision and looking for a way that I can feel its just plain wrong, or unfair . . . If the opposing team incur a similar wrongful penalty-call things are different, of course. “Get on with the game – suck it up – the ref probably missed something earlier so it’s all evened out . . .”

In the late nineteenth century, a French army officer called Alfred Dreyfus was convicted of spying and passing classified information to Germany. In 1894 he was sentenced to life imprisonment on Devils Island, off the coast of French Guiana. 

The problem though was there was no obvious evidence pointing to Dreyfus’s guilt, other than the fact that he was one of the only, if not the only, Jewish officer in the French army at the time. The series of events that followed suspicion, turning to arrest and incarceration was a sobering example of belief in being right, even though evidence suggested otherwise. Even when the case was questioned and retried, there was still enough belief in Dreyfus’s guilt to disallow the conviction to be overturned. It was only through public pressure that Dreyfus was exonerated 11 years later. 

So why do we insist on continuing to believe we are right, even though the facts and evidence often don’t support our opinion? 

Perhaps the answer lies in our own prejudices and our ego that prevents us overcoming those prejudices. It could certainly be imagined that prejudice might have played some part in the conviction of the Jewish Alfred Dreyfus, and ego playing a part in the refusal of authorities at the time to back down despite overwhelming evidence of his innocence. As for me and my sport watching – yes guilty as charged – even though it pains me to admit it.

I am learning to step back, examine my thoughts and question whether I am creating opinions out of evidence and fairness or from place of pre-conceived ideas. Ideas built up from listening to my parents, my friends, my family and in the busy social media world that I dabble in – probably too often. And in doing so I am finding myself a happier person – less wound up by notions of injustice and more enjoying the honest spectacle of the world around me. With all its faults and imperfections. 

And realising that by becoming the observer I am starting to see the world less in terms of black and white – but more the beautiful, intriguing and frustratingly wonderful grey . . .

One year ago I was sitting at my kitchen table at our house in Seatoun, Wellington. In front of me were a pile of bills and correspondence to deal with – not such a bad job on a wet Saturday afternoon, but not exactly heart pumping. One more day off, I thought, before work on Monday at the New Zealand Government’s Department of Conservation. A pretty good job – interesting, meaningful and full of good people doing things that matter. 

All in all I felt my life was pretty peachy. I had a lot to be grateful for. Enough money, without being rich. Healthy (well most of the time). Two amazing daughters and a solid and deep relationship with my wife of 25 years. Decent house, good friends . . . not much to complain about really.

Except something was definitely missing. My life felt a little bit “the same”. I woke up and (when I wasn’t on my four week holiday each year) went to work, came home – a beer, chat, dinner, and bed. I know – I am generalising hugely and there were of course weekends – but that’s what I felt like. Happy on the outside, but a little unfulfilled on the inside.

​My wife had, for a long time, been talking about taking some serious time off. A year of travelling – how about it!? Well if I am honest I did try to sound keen but really I was scared. A whole year . . . how would that work, what about our house and my job, what would we do, where would we go, where would the money come from . . . ?

And that is a great example of the negative “chatter” which goes on in all our heads. All the reasons why something can’t work and why its OK to stay in our safe and known zones . . . 

Steve Taylor, in an excellent article in Psychology Today, talks about thought chatter as creating a constant disturbance within us. Taylor says “Perhaps the biggest problem with thought-chatter though is that it’s often tinged with negativity. Thoughts about the future are tinged with worry and anxiety, thoughts about the past are tinged with regret or bitterness and thoughts about your present life situation are tinged with dissatisfaction.”

​The only way to combat the negative thought chatter, in my view anyway, is not to give in to it. Instead of thinking why things can’t work, turn your mind to how they can. We can rent the house out – it’s a good rental market at the moment and that will give us an income. It’s about time for a change in job and this will force me into thinking differently. It will work and will be great.

​And so here we are, twelve months on, having just had Christmas day in Bariloche in the Lake District of Argentina. We have hung out in Australia, Indonesia, Sri Lanka, the Netherlands, Scotland, Spain, Portugal, Peru and Chile. We have swam in the beautiful beach coves of Ibiza, meditated on the top of Machu Picchu, tramped in Scotland, detoxed in Sri Lanka, practiced yoga in Portugal and learned Spanish in Peru. Our daughters have joined us for parts of the journey and we have kept a regular blog.

I am so happy we made the decision to take this time off. By using the income from renting our house and staying in simple, but cosy, places we haven’t spent nearly as much as I thought we would have (and by the way we met heaps of people who managed to travel and live for next to nothing). Instead of waiting until we retired to see the world, we are experiencing travel while in our prime. We have learned so much about the world we live in – people, practices and cultures. 

​I think of our time off as one of the best investments we have ever made. And, for me, the investment is still going as if I am already thinking about how I will apply what I have learned to my life back home in New Zealand at the end of this big adventure. I want this feeling to continue.

So my advice is that whenever somebody asks you something like “wouldn’t it be great if . . .”, try and ignore that negative chatter in your head and ask yourself how you can say “yes” rather than “no” or “maybe”.  You won’t always be in the position to drop everything and take off round the world – but just maybe you will . . .

Jo and I have put our life in New Zealand on hold and embarked on a year of adventure, to seek out what is truly meaningful out there in this big wide world. Cusco in Peru is our current home -  3,400m above sea level. As a comparative - New Zealand’s highest ski resort Turoa and Europe’s highest ski resort Val Thorens both sit at around 2,300m. So here we are sightseeing, eating and sleeping at above the level of the highest ski lifts of either of those two resorts. The altitude – headaches in the morning and a general feeling of lethargy, has affected us both but on our third morning here we are definitely improved. The key is to rest, hydrate, avoid alcohol (I know!) and drink the local coca tea.

Cusco, once of the capital of the Incan empire, is a busy little city with a population of around 400,000. In the historical centre where we are staying you could be forgiven for thinking the economy is in pretty good shape. There are signs of affluence in many of the restaurants, shops and buildings – and the place is full of tourists. But in reality there is much poverty.

​Which brings the amazing Jolanda van den Berg into the story. 21 years ago Jolanda came to Peru with no Spanish and little money but a desire to do something for the many children she had seen working and begging on the street during a trip to Cusco six months previously. We met and chatted with Jolanda at Cusco’s Niños Hotel, one that she had started for the benefit of the kids. 

She started in 1996 by renting a small room and offered two of the children, who roamed the Plaza de Armas, the opportunity to come and live with her. The condition was they stuck to the rules, which included daily chores. Two boys quickly became 12 in a five-bedroom house with one toilet and shower for everyone plus limited running water.

Funding initially came from family and friends in the Netherlands but it was never going to be enough. And so with little knowledge of the hospitality industry, Jolanda and her partner hit on the idea of starting a hotel – the objective being to become financially independent and for the boys to learn a trade. Out of the blue one large Dutch sponsor provided the funding and the Niños Hotel Meloc became a reality in 1998. That is where we are now staying and it is just the cosiest little hotel I think I have ever stayed in. There are no room numbers; instead all the rooms are named after the boys. 

​The program now looks after 600 children, incidentally not all of whom are homeless. Many rural families aren’t able to find decent education in their home villages and so they send their kids to Cusco in hopes of a better life. Many kids live together in these arrangements, receiving some financial support from their families but often supporting themselves through enterprises such as shoe shining and selling cards to tourists. The program feeds them three meals a day, six days a week. It provides shower facilities, medical and dental treatment and also sport – all aimed at not only keeping them healthy and well fed but raising their self-esteem. 

Jolanda van den Berg is just a gorgeous bundle of vibrant energy. She has the most sparkling eyes and if she has any regrets about her life over the last 21 years they are very well hidden. I think I’m a little bit in love (purely platonically of course!).

Her philosophy is that “there are no victims here”. She treats her relationship with the kids as a partnership – she gets just as much out of it as they do. The way you give is important . . . “giving has to be useful in the eyes of those who are receiving”, rather than satisfying ones well-meaning ego. That in turn has led her to continue to expand the hotel business (there are now three) and thereby rely less on sponsors, so many of whom want to be recognised and associated with a particular “gift”. Jolanda says she doesn’t need more refrigerators – it’s the money that is needed, given selflessly with no attachment.

If anyone is looking for somewhere very special to stay in Cusco, come to the Niño’s Hotel Meloc and see how one woman is sharing her life with some pretty special kids. It may just change your life . . . !

​I think I am a giving person. And I definitely get a kick out of doing something for others. Simple things like getting up early, doing the shopping and making breakfast for my family so they can get up, slide into their seat at the breakfast table, stretch and smile that lazy, luxurious way that says – “life’s pretty good”. Yep I get a kick out of that.

A recent study by the University of Zurich involved 50 participants who were promised a sum of money that they would receive in the next few weeks and were supposed to spend. Half of the study participants committed to spending the money on someone they knew while the other half committed to spending the money on themselves. The study concluded that generosity makes us happier, even if we are only a little generous. People who act solely out of self-interest are less happy. And even merely promising to be more generous is enough to trigger a change in our brains that makes us happier.

Well that makes sense . . . except that I have had this nagging feeling for a while that I haven’t been getting the same buzz out of giving that I used to. Are my acts of generosity really giving me energy, or taking it away . . . ?

There is a book out called “The Disease to Please”, written by Harriet Braiker, which explores our need to please and questions whether we are sometimes self harming ourselves by over-giving. Do we have an urge for approval, or a fear of confrontation that makes us create a persona of “niceness”? If I were really honest – I would have to say I do sneak into this category from time to time.

The key message is that it’s OK to put yourself first. Only be nurturing yourself, giving yourself the love and life that makes you happy, will you be ready and able to give to others in a meaningful way. It’s all about balance and maintaining those important energy levels. . . .

​Are you someone who thinks a lot about where you are heading, what you will be become, who you will be with, where you will live . . . ?

I do. I think about this sort of stuff all the time. And there is nothing fundamentally wrong with gazing out in time, contemplating what life will bring you. Except, when you forget about where you are actually at right now.

I am in the middle of reading “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coello. Buy it and read it. It’s amazing, having sold over 30 million copies worldwide (at least that was at the time my copy was printed) and translated into 63 languages. The story charts the travels of an Andalusian shepherd boy who learns about listening to his heart and fulfilling his destiny. 

One of the lessons this shepherd boy learns along the way comes from a camel driver who relates some advice he receives from a fortune-teller which goes like this . . .

​It’s a powerful message and made me physically sit up and think. About how my life sometimes feel as is though it’s passing me by, and that somehow it will all come together when I get to where I am headed.

And that’s my lesson for today. To make each day my eternity – to pay attention to what’s around me right now and to make of my life something special . . . one day at a time . . .

All my life I have worked. A “grafter” – that’s me. Focused, dependable, pretty well liked at work’ enjoying my job and the intellectual stimulation it provided. I liked the people I worked with and the sense of getting stuff done. And I had worked my way up to a senior position in our organisation – second tier and just maybe the next stop a chief executive.

So one day my wife said – how about we take off overseas for a year and have some fun . . .

​And I realized that actually – no I wasn’t really happy. In fact not happy at all. My life may have seemed pretty much OK to my friends and family. But not really to me. Not really . . .

And so after quite a while I did a brave thing. Very brave for me, and a little bit scary. I said Yes to my wife. Lets do it. And so I quit my job, put my life on hold and took a plunge. And now we are in the first week of our big adventurous year of travelling around the globe.

And finding happiness – maybe . . .

I promised myself to write regularly..... well that word regularly is about right. Every 3 or 4 months? In that sense I am doing well.... What is keeping me from writing more often then? Like once a week? Am I judging myself? I can't do it , no good at writing?

So tomorrow I am teaching my yoga class and just sent out an e-mail saying "it takes a conscious effort to notice what is going on in our mind and body without judgment or wishing it was any different." Mindfulness is a big word now a days and in this rushed society we sometimes ignore to notice our body and/or are not aware of our thoughts. We just keep going and are reacting in situations we later regret and think how could I have handled that one better?

In a nutshell yoga gives us the timeout for ourselves to reflect and become aware of our habitual patterns, either physical or thought patterns. We have learned by accumulating these thoughts and believe in them or by avoiding certain situations to survive and feel at ease the best we can. I was told as a teenager that I can't write, am bad at it so started to avoid writing altogether. I have never questioned that belief until now and feel quite uncomfortable as I am writing this down. But I know that breaking through those belief systems there might be something better for me out there... and anyway what is the worst that is going to happen if someone judges? Or judge myself?

I invite you to start observing your habitual patterns during your yoga practice and wonder why you resist a pose.... what is it you are uncomfortable with in daily life?
​
If you would like to read more about this topic, there is good article on yoga international website, powers of observation.
https://yogainternational.com/artic…/…/powers-of-observation

The American author H Jackson Brown Jr once said “Don’t waste time waiting for inspiration. Begin, and inspiration will find you.”

Well that’s all very well. But if you are anything like me, the actual beginning part is actually really hard. Even when I sat down to write this blog . . . hmmmm maybe I will make myself a coffee before I start . . . now I’m making my coffee I should quickly clean the kitchen bench down . . .just noticed I’m almost out of cleaning spray so better add it to the shopping list, that wont take long . . .

And that’s indicative of a lot of things I do. Sure, all those things that distracted me are worthy of some sort of action. But they are all pebbles that should fit around the big rocks in my life – not the other way round. So I decided to research the subject of writer’s block. Is this common and what are the ways that people have found to overcome this phenomenon?

Wikipedia defines writers block as a condition, primarily associated with writing, in which an author loses the ability to produce new work or experiences a creative slowdown. The condition ranges in difficulty from coming up with original ideas to being unable to produce a work for years. 

As far as I could find out, writers block isn’t a medical diagnosis in itself. But some may exhibit writers’ block type symptoms as part of mental illness - such as anxiety of depression for instance.  And yes its common. Wikipedia lists authors F. Scott Fitzgerald and Joseph Mitchell, pop culture cartoonist Charles M. Schulz and British songwriter Adele as just some who have ben known to suffer from this affliction. 

1. Get an hourglass

I read that Dan Brown keeps an hourglass on his desk - every hour he takes mini-breaks to do some exercise. Others make a plan at the beginning of the day with times for writing and times for doing other stuff. One tip that apparently works . . . don’t make writing the first thing on your plan; instead do the thing that is nagging most in your brain first (like paying a bill that’s overdue).

2. Write gobbledegook

The Artists Way is a book, and course, all about bring creativity back into the lives of artists (or anyone for that matter). One of the core exercises for three months is to write 3 pages every morning. And as soon as you put pen to paper you must write. Write about anything. Write that “I don’t know what to write” seven times. Its amazing how the power of just writing, about anything, lubricates your inspiration and creativity . . .

3. Dress for the occasion

Roald Dahl climbed into his sleeping bag to begin writing. It was the “uniform” he associated with his craft. Into the sleeping bag – its writing time . . .

Another approach, try dressing up. Like it’s a job where you are meeting and working with people. Would you go to a job like that in your sweat pants and hoodie? Put on some decent clothes, brush your hair, check yourself out in the mirror. Writing is something you are serious about, so dress up for the start of your writing time.

4. Cut the internet connections

Disable your internet connection. Its just too distracting and way too tempting. That funny cats youtube video . . . really ? 

And another thing about electronics. Electromagnetic fields (EMFs) have been found to disrupt the natural energy flows in your body – affecting the nervous system and increasing stress. Insomnia, anxiety and depression have all ben linked to exposure to EMFs. Feng Shui thinking says leave electronics out of the bedroom. Now that isn't always easy with writing in this electronic age – just something to be aware of . . .

5. Quit

No not quit permanently. Quit the situation or the place for a while. Find a new and energising place to be creative. Go for a walk to clear the brain. Meditate or practice some yoga. The idea is to come back refreshed and renewed.

You have two choices to achieve your big audacious dreams. Plan, or not plan. Not planning means being mindful and aware of your goals. Acting and being in accordance with the important things you wrote in your mission statement. And that may work really well for some people - but if you are anything like me, you will stand the best chance of achieving your dreams if you plan for them. 

Getting Started - How long's your timeframe?

Good planning involves thinking about both the longer term and the shorter term. But in my experience really long term planning rarely works. Have you ever seen a five year plan last five years? Things change and you therefore need to be flexible and adaptable in your planning . . .

I was talking a number of years ago to an international advertising agency about planning. Their use of of a "rolling" 9 month system really resonated with me. It works on the simple basis that you plan for the next 9 months - and then every three months your "refresh" and publish a new/amended 9 month plan. Believe it or not, a lot can happen in three months - particularly when you are embarking on a personal change programme. This system therefore allows you to constantly have a plan that is real, relevant and timely. 

Getting your plan out of your head . . .

OK so once you have agreed your planning timeline, document your longer term goals (whether it be 9 months, a year or something else) based on your mission statement. So for instance if you have decided in your mission statement that you will be financially self-sufficient, then you may set yourself a goal that . . . by March next year I will have started my first business. You then need to think about what actions you need to take to reach this goal - what, when and how. So for example you might decide to carry out some research in August by talking to similar businesses, attend a marketing course in September, write a business plan in October, hook up with a business mentor in November etc etc.

The point is - you are tying together: a) your mission statement, b) your longer term goals and c) your shorter term actions. In other words - planning!

​I have been observing what it means to be happy for many years now. And one thing I have noticed of late is the veritable plethora of articles and blogs claiming the road to happiness, contentment, success (or whatever your goal may be) can be achieved through the application of “X” things or “Y” steps. X or Y equalling anything from three to one hundred.

​Incidentally for some reason a lot use the number seven which may come from its association as a lucky number in some cultures.

Actually there is one reason why we might be seeing so much more of this. Because apparently, according to a number of blogs about how to write good blogs (believe me there are a lot of these . . .) people more often click on titles that have a number in it.

Yes my title is provocative. “Ignore” probably isn’t the right word – what I am actually suggesting is you should ignore the “how” until you have understood the “what”. Another way of saying this is that to know where you are going in life you first need to know where you are right now.

​Think of a time when something great happened to you. You won a prize, gave a speech for the first time in front of a room full of people, entered and competed in a running event. These are just examples – think of a time in your life when you underwent change for the positive.

My example was running a half marathon. I was reasonably unfit, had a sedentary job behind a computer and had never run more than about 5km in my life. So after talking to some friends (ok some beer was involved) I decided to enter myself into an upcoming race. It was in 8 weeks and involved running 21km. Gulp! I set myself a training schedule, roped a friend in to do it with me and lo and behold in 8 weeks time I crossed the finish line. Not a particularly stupendous time – definitely in the last 20% of the field.

 But what an amazing feeling . . . In eight weeks time I had gone from being a pretty unfit person to being capable of running 21km without stopping (shuffling still counts as running in my book). And that was the ultimate buzz. The change I had undergone was dramatic. I remembered how I was and how unfit I felt. And most of all I remembered back 8 weeks ago to this person who had never contemplated doing a race like this and probably hadn’t imagined they were capable.

 So it wasn’t really the run that made me feel so amazing. It was the difference in how I felt and the change I had undergone. And I could remember that because, hey, 8 weeks wasn’t that long ago. How I had been feeling and living my life back then became my yardstick – a way of gauging how far I had progressed and what changes I had made in my life.

And this is my challenge to you. Take time right now to stocktake your life and how you are living it.  Your yardstick for the future new you . . .

Here’s something that helped me do my own stocktake . . . The “me” board is like a vision board in reverse. Its meant to characterise your life and how you feel – right now.

1. Get hold of a big piece of card. A2 size is 42cm by 60 cm - or go bigger if you can.
2. Now get a pile of magazines and newspapers. It doesn't matter so much what they are, just make sure you have a good sample of different types.
3. The aim of this exercise is to build a poster which points to how you are feeling right now. It will suit those of you who are creative - or who just can't get their head around stats and questionnaires.
4. You need to cut out and paste pictures, words, headlines or art that talks to your present state of mind. Be intuitive - if something you see feels right about how you are - don't think, get cutting.

Remember this isn't about who you want to be (that comes later). This is about who you are NOW.

​I first heard about Feng Shui from my wife. We bought a book on the subject, quite expensive at the time when we had little money, and from that time I have built an active appreciation of the benefits of this art. The best way I can describe my experience is when one day, shortly after our book purchase, I walked into a room arranged on Feng Shui principles. I will never forget the almost instant feeling of calmness that came over me combined with a desire to simply stay put in this beautiful room for a while – to draw energy and refresh my mind.

So what are the benefits of Feng Shui?

Well a good nights sleep is one (more on that later in this blog). Harmonising energy flows is another, and that makes us feel alive and open to possibilities. Creating calmness – removing clutter in your house helps remove clutter in your mind. 

In business there have been numerous studies linking a new Feng Shui environment to increased turnover and profitability. Check out these case studies in the UK from a Feng Shui consultant who describes the positive effects of Feng Shui on various businesses. An interior design company that doubled turnover, a hairdresser whose profits substantially rose after six months and a toy retailer nominated for toy shop of the year. 

​Here are four simple Feng Shui changes that you can make to help you feel calmer, happier and open to the positivity in the world around us:

FOUR:   Lighten things up
Especially areas such as your main entry hall – very important in Fen Shui as it is through the front door that your house gets its Chi ( a Chinese word meaning aliveness, life force, energy or life breath – also known as Prana). It is for this reason, by the way, that you shouldn’t have a mirror facing your front door as it pushes all that good energy right back out the front door. Mirrors not facing the door are good though as is plenty of natural light – or failing that lamps or overhead spotlights. And also remember to de-clutter to create clean inviting lines.​

​If I said all it took was ten minutes a day to de-stress and relax you would probably think this was yet another “get well quick” scheme requiring minimal effort and instant results. And I would have agreed with you . . . a few years ago.

I have a busy life. I am the breadwinner for the family. I work hard and I tend to fill my days with things to do. I hadn’t considered myself stressed, but then again I wasn’t an impartial observer watching me hurry from one thing to the other. So when my wife suggested we go to a meditation course together, to be honest the idea didn’t really light my candle.

The Medical Dictionary defines meditation as a practice of concentrated focus upon a sound, object, visualization, the breath, movement, or attention itself in order to increase awareness of the present moment, reduce stress, promote relaxation, and enhance personal and spiritual growth.

Meditation practice isn’t new. Its hard to know when it first started, but its more than hundreds of years ago. I think a lot of us associate meditation with robe-clad monks sitting on a hilltop chanting. So I was pleasantly surprised to find two completely normal looking guys greet us at our first meditation class.

​Meditation is really about being present and clearing your thoughts. Some say its thinking about nothing. And that is not easy. 

1. The idea is to completely relax in a seated position that suits you. You don’t have to sit cross-legged on the floor – on a chair is fine. 
   
2. In our class we then were encouraged to imagine a river in a peaceful setting and when thoughts came into our mind to “throw” them into the river and let them wash away. Or to imagine a sky with clouds, each cloud being a thought which we could add to – and that the clouds would disperse leaving an expanse of blue . . .
   
3. Next comes awareness of your breathing. In and out of the nose. Try it now – close your eyes for a few moments and just notice your breath. In an out – say for 10 times. It’s a clever way of focusing your thoughts on the present and taking them away from things in the past or jobs you have to do.
   
4. Our instructors then encouraged us to focus on our heart and imagine a light – and that light becoming brighter when we breathed in and darker when we breathed out.
   
5. And once you have the picture of the light in your chest, the idea then is to imagine that light spreading to the rest of your body, and then to the room you are in (you can go on and on until it becomes a whole universe light thing but I found that too hard to imagine). 
   
6. Then its reversing the process – bringing the light in from the room, to our body and then your heart. Starting to become aware again of the room you are in (its amazing how you can “forget” where you are during meditation) and finally opening your eyes and emerging back into the crazy, rough and tumble world we live in.

​According to the Art of Living website the benefits of meditation are:

According to Wikipedia, Serotonin is a monoamine neurotransmitter. Biochemically derived from tryptophan, serotonin is primarily found in the gastrointestinal tract, blood platelets, and the central nervous system of animals, including humans.

Medical News Today is a bit more helpful and tells us that serotonin carries signals along and between nerves (that’s the “neurotransmitter” bit). It is responsible for maintaining mood balance, and that a deficit of serotonin leads to depression.

Antidepressants are one way of increasing the levels of serotonin in the brain. But there are other natural ways to either replace the use of antidepressants, or to help them work more effectively.

If there is one thing that the northern Scandinavian countries lack in winter, it is sunlight. Science Nordic has a great article about lack of sunlight and how to counteract the “winter blues”. Its reasonably well known that the body struggles to produce vitamin D without exposure to the sun. But the sun also activates light-sensitive nerve cells, which stimulates the production of serotonin. The answer is pretty simple – get more light in your life, particularly in the morning. Make the place where you have breakfast well lit – light on the walls and on the table, rather than soft lighting and candles . . .

There is also some evidence that exercise can boost serotonin levels. Check out the Livestrong website for a good article on exercise and its effect on serotonin.

But diet is the area I am personally attracted to at the moment. Healthline.com has a good article on foods that could boost your serotonin levels. But there is a catch . . . The article says its not Serotonin that is found in food, but tryptophan – and its not as simple as eating a high trypothan diet. Apparently the trypothan in your food has to compete with other amino acids to be absorbed into your brain. 

Today I listened to an inspirational TED talk. 

Melati and Isabel Wijsen go to the Green School in Bali. I visited the adjoining Green Village only a couple of weeks ago and so I pricked up my ears. Anyway, one day these girls learned about significant people at school. People like Mother Theresa and Mahatma Gandhi. And on the way home the girls discussed why they couldn’t be significant right now. Why should they wait until they grew up?

​These girls were only 10 and 12 when they started. They said they had no business plan but one hell of a vision. They decided to harness the “boundless energy” of themselves and their friends and “act” the change they wanted to happen. How inspirational and brave is that!

Their campaign “Bye Bye Plastic Bags” is now recognised internationally as one of the most successful conservation movements around. And they now have a commitment from the Government that Bali will be plastic bag free by 2018.

I loved the way these girls talked and presented themselves on the TED video. You could see how much they were loving what they were doing and how proud they were of themselves and each other. I am truly inspired – plastic bags are now being phased out of our lives. And I think I have learned a lot about having the courage to simply do what is the right thing.

Apparently bananas contain a healthy amount of antioxidants as well as “Tumor Necrosis Factor” which is a cancer fighter. The more ripe the banana the higher the anti cancer properties. For people with depression, bananas also contain high levels of trypothan which then converts into seretonin – hence alleviating the symptoms of depression.

But that’s not all. Eating bananas:

•    Gives you more energy;
•    Helps with weight loss;
•    Are great for the brain;
•    Help to balance your homones;
•    Alleviate heartburn;
•    Lower blood pressure and keep your blood healthy;
•    Are great for your bones;
•    Treat stomach ulcers;
•    Can cure hangovers;
•    Alleviate constipation; and
•    Enhance memory

Another great article – “12 Foods Happy People Eat”. Bananas get a mention  of course – but also blueberies, acai berries, greens, nuts and seeds etc.

Also check out Mind.org.uk website where they explore the relationship between what you eat and how you feel. 

I agree – I know what foods make me feel bloated and tired (junk and highly processed food) and I know what food makes me feel lighter and more energised (yes bananas of course, but also things like sushi, fish and salads).  If I am not sure about something I close my eyes and imagine how I will feel 20 minutes after eating something – your body will always give you the right answer!

I loved the film “Yes Man” starring Jim Carrey (playing the role of banker Carl Allen) who starts the film as an intensely lonely man with low self-esteem after his divorce with Stephanie, who he is still in love with. He avoids his friends, has a seemingly boring job and spends his spare time watching DVDs.

But this all changes when he meets a former classmate who talks him into participating in a self-help program led by the guru Terrence Bundley. The course is entitled (of course) “Yes Man”, the basic principle being to say "yes" to new situations.

The film is intentionally comedic, in that Carl ends up saying yes to absolutely everything, which results in him being placed in some situations which would scare the hell out of me. But the end result shows Carl with a completely changed attitude and living a great new life. And yes he gets a nice girl (this is Hollywood after all).

So I thought that this was something I would give a go. No I didn’t set out to say yes to absolutely every situation, but I definitely ended up saying yes much more often. I learned a lot about myself during this process.

I learned that things will work themselves out. And this is important because saying yes comes with risks (as opposed to saying no which is often risk-free). Tina Fey said “Say yes and you will figure it out afterwards”. What a great quote. And its true. My example comes from a recent project at work when we talked as a team about the demands we were getting from others in the organisation. The obvious solution was to say no more often, because after all this would involve less work and less risk. However the conversation turned itself round to focus on how we could better manage the outcomes of saying yes. And immediately the mood picked up. We talked about ourselves as a team people liked to deal with. A team that got things done. And a team that would have the confidence to work out how to deliver that which we had said yes to. I will never forget the buzz that conversation generated . . .

I also learned another important lesson. And that is, its OK to say no sometimes. Hang on, I hear you say. Isn’t this going against the grain of the story? Well not really because the more I have been saying yes to opportunities, the more confident I have become in saying no to stuff that I know in my heart isn’t right for me. My no has a confident ring about it because I have become better at saying yes. Trust me, its hard to put into words but you will get it when you become more of a yes person.

I have definitely become a happier and more confident person saying yes more often. I have learned to have faith in my ability to work things out. And when I need to say no, it’s a whole lot better feeling . . .

 

There is certainly a lot going on and being talked about on the subject of mindfulness. I have to admit when I first heard the term it didn’t quite make sense. Like isn’t everyone “mindful” . . . on the basis we all have a mind? And so therefore isn't this just some new fad based on something entirely obvious and everyday?

Wikipedia, in their dry but admittedly learned way, defines mindfulness as the intentional, accepting and non-judgemental focus of one's attention on the emotions, thoughts and sensations occurring in the present moment.

And there you have it, in those last three Wikipedia generated words. “In the present moment”. That, to me, is what mindfulness is all about.

Here’s a question. What are you thinking about right now? Maybe something you have planned next, tomorrow, next week? Something someone said to you yesterday? A new item for the shopping list, or the lyrics of a song that is playing on the radio? Mindfulness says what you should actually be focusing in is the “right here, right now”. The words on the screen, their texture, their meaning, their flow and their effect on you . . . in other words, being in the present moment.

Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn developed Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center for patients suffering from pain. He came up with an incredibly simple but effective exercise, which anyone can try to experience mindfulness. If you have five minutes right now, all you need is a raisin and a quiet space to sit.

The idea is that you place a raisin in your hand. The thing most of us would do next is to pop into our mouths and move onto the next thing. But no, not this time. Your job is to observe it. Just look and see the texture, the bumps, the colour, and the glossiness. Bring it to your nose and smell it. How does it feel in your hand? Now place it into your mouth and swirl it around. Can you feel the texture with your tongue? Chew just once, and observe the very first taste. Take your time and eventually chew some more before swallowing. Keep sitting and think about how your body feels with the raisin now ingested.

Well done. You have now experienced mindfulness. And now imagine what your life would be like if you employed this behaviour more often? At work when listening to a colleague, try experiencing observing their face, their lips, and their body movements. At home, sitting on the couch without turning the television or radio on. Just observe for five minutes. Listen to the sound of the world around you, the feel of the couch, the smells in the air and the cadence of your own breath.

My personal favourite is my mindfulness walk. The idea is that you are totally silent (and so if you have a walking partner you both need to abide by the rules!). Instead of taking steps to get somewhere, feel each step as you place your feet on the ground (bare feet is great if the weather and terrain permit). Look at the environment you pass. Each branch, each tree leaf, the clouds, grass or asphalt . . . Feel your breathing and empty your thoughts of everything expect where you are and what you are doing right now.

Mindfulness has had a major effect on my life. I feel more grounded, calmer and more aware of the world around me. I increasingly have a sense of accomplishing more meaningful and worthwhile things in my life. My sense of mindfulness doesn’t slow me down (which if I am honest is what I feared); instead it creates focus and direction.

So wherever you are or whatever your situation in life, I am wondering if you can commit to an act of mindfulness. Each day for a week. And then observe how you feel.

I am betting you will never look at a raisin the same way again . . .