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Who I Am . . . part 1

7/4/2019

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Photo by Felicia Buitenwerf on Unsplash
I am sitting here listening to a mantra. A mantra is like a repetitive chant, and this one is set to music. It's sort of chill while also a little upbeat, if that makes sense. The words are simple - “I am” – again and again. And as I listen and think I have decided to be instinctive and fill in the missing bit.

So who am I? 

Well there is who I am right now and then there is who I want to be. I think of those two stages as being very different, particularly while I’m not feeling particularly good at the moment. Maybe that’s why I am putting pen to paper. 

So being honest and being real about how I am right now . . . Well I’m not at the depths of despair. In fact my life might seem pretty good. I’m travelling for a few months with my wife. I have left a good job behind and stand a reasonable chance of being employed there again on my return. I am in the opposite hemisphere to my home, which means two summers in a row. We have experienced sights, sounds and experiences – many of them magical. But at my core I’m not so good.

What I feel is unfulfilled and trapped. I am a dreamer – always thinking of stuff like designing a home, writing something amazing, being a coach, an environmentalist, a motivator. And then there is my everyday life which for some reason always seems to present blockages. Practical things, stuff people say, my own self-doubts, fear and negativity. I feel like life, my life with all its potential gloriousness, is passing me by.

I feel a bit like that doctor who is painstaking when assessing their patient’s needs but lax on their own health. The builder who lives in a forever unfinished house, the plumber whose toilet doesn’t work . . . If I want to be a person who can help people then the first person I need to help is myself. 

Starting today . . . 
1 Comment
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2/19/2020 03:58:17 pm

I am wondering the same exact thing. I want to know who I am and what type of person I can be. I think that we are all wondering this, and that is why I love that you wrote about it. It gives comfort to my heart that there is still a person who is willing to do this. I know that it is not easy to do it, but that is why I love your work so much, brother.

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    Hi I'm Richard Norris. I live in Wellington, New Zealand, with my wife Jolanda.

    After many years or working and observing human nature I decided to launch www.itsgoingtobegreat.org - all about happiness, mindfulness and feeling great. 
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    Much of the material is taken from everyday life experiences. My motivation is to give something back to a world that has given me so much - and the hope is that someone, somewhere reading this just might realise some of their dreams.

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